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Now living in l'Olleria, south of Valencia

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Elixir of Eternal Youth

Whilst winding around the streets of Xativa, during the celebrations of the Borja's, I was cornered by a couple purporting to be 200 years old. (I doubted my spanish at that point, but I was sure that was what they had said!)

The man showed me a piece of paper, and asked me to keep it a secret. It was the secret of eternal youth. When he unravelled the scroll, it was written in a code (dots, triangles and circles), and he asked me if I could read it. In the spirit of things (being watched by the other passers by) I declared that I couldn't read... so the man then said, it was ok, they have a version in Spanish. The lady then gave me a scroll to keep, and they moved on their way.

Elixir of Eternal Youth:
To ensure eternal youth and beauty you must follow the subsequent instructions in the strict order of execution.

Collect the morning dew from the flower of the third orange tree in the campo near Valldigna (near Gandia) at the moment that it first receives the first rays of sun on the morning of 24th June.

Mix the dew with some drops of holy water from the hermitage of St Rita de Barbera (Rita Barbera is the current mayor of Valencia) in a bowl, made from the wings of an albino bat. Leave the mixture in sun and shade for five new moons, until it has heard the howl of the wolf. (No wolves anywhere near here) Heat it with the flame of a dragon, until it boils (How much dew were you meant to collect?).

If this doesn't work, find a lover 20 years younger than you, and return to your adolesence.
If you arrive at this point, they have remedies for acne, should you need them.

Brilliant, but I don't think I'll be trying this any time soon.

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